If you are in the midst of a
divorce, you may be looking at a life of co-parenting. You may in fact already
have temporary custody orders in place that are giving you an idea of
this new role of co-parent, and the worthwhile difficulty it represents.
While both of you may be committed to doing what is best for your children,
there is a reason that you wanted the divorce, issues that will complicate
the interaction you will have to always maintain so long as you have children
to raise together. Here then are a few things to remember as you face
your co-parenting endeavors.
First of all, you will probably have to take it easy on the co-parent.
Yes, you will probably be disappointed by them, perhaps even upset by
their parenting strategies. You may have a low regard for the decisions
they frequently make. No matter how deserved your censure is, or no matter
how much your emotions may be getting in the way, it is often better in
the long run to tone down your criticism and to strive to be constructive.
Secondly, you will probably have to maintain lower expectations, for everyone's
benefit. What this means is that you will probably always have points
of disagreement with how your co-parent fulfills his or her role. It may
be against everyone's interests to convey this displeasure, however,
even if it is just through your body language. This message can often
be harmful to children. If your responses engender mistrust in your kids,
then they may lose some measure of security, and they in turn may lack
confidence in themselves. If you lower your standards for the other parent,
you may find the situation is easier to make your peace with, making things
more peaceful for your kids.
The reason you will likely have to change your perception and responses
is because you can only change you; you cannot transform your co-parent.
Yes, you may be able to reach compromises, but you will probably run up
against something implacable in them that you will have to make your peace
with, for your sanity's sake, and to help your children to be as clear-minded
as possible in assessing their new situation. They have to struggle with
shifting homes every so often, and the adjustment is easier when neither
parent is viewed as the secondary or optional one, so far as you can help it.
Fourth, as difficult or even hostile as things may be between you and your
co-parent, the bottom line is that your kids' futures could hinge
on how you handle the conflict and the strong emotions you are struggling
with. Sometimes getting the big picture will help you prioritize, and
this can further help your children know how to grow stronger through
coping with difficulties, as you lead by example.
When it comes to the actual legal decisions that will mandate how your
parenting plan will be implemented, it is vital to have legal excellence on your side.
With compassion and resolve, our Long Island divorce attorney may be able
to help you arrive at a fair divorce settlement, even in such contested
child custody. And maybe your divorce is already finalized, but your current parenting
plan is not working because you need to
relocate, or your family needs some other custody
modification. Here an experienced lawyer can help as well.
To learn more about how we may be able to help you, do not hesitate to
contact the Meyers Law Group, P.C. We may be able to offer the answers and the representation that you deserve today.