It's all my fault. I should have been better and not disobeyed. Maybe if I did my chores they wouldn't argue. What if they get back together if I do better in school. Maybe mommy wont cry anymore, but today she can't stop. I miss my family, this hurts too much. Daddy says that he hates my mom, but I love them both. I can't take all of this, I feel so torn. Their break up is painful and I want to talk about it to someone. If I tell mom, she'll cry. If I tell dad, he'll yell. I just want my parents together again. I should have done better.
These phrases are often times the words that cross the minds of children who are products of a divorce. Whether the kids are young or old, it is very likely that they will hold some or all of the blame for their parent's separation, feeling as though they should have done better to make their parents stay together. It is not unheard of the kids will bare much of the weight of their parents' divorce because the parents fail to discuss the divorce in detail with them. When there is no communication, even with the younger children, there tends to be a lot for hurt and suffering.
If you and your spouse are choosing to divorce, make sure you take the time to sit down with the children and explain that it is not their fault; and even if mommy and daddy no longer love each other; nothing will change your love for them. Children need affirmation during times like this, and as parents it is your responsibility to communicate this. Going through a divorce is sometimes inevitable, though you can take whatever steps necessary in order to help your kids walk through he process.
This may include allowing them the chance to share their feelings and questions with each of you parents, let them say what is hard and what they don't understand. Giving them the freedom to express themselves will help them filter through their feelings. Perhaps they are scared to talk to you about it, consider then giving them the opportunity to meet with a family therapist or a religious counselor.
By taking the time to work through he process of your divorce with your children, you will be able to mold their thinking and help them to truly understand the divorce was an adult decision and had nothing to do with what they did or did not do. If you are currently considering a divorce, contact the Meyers Law Group today for the divorce lawyer in Long Island that you deserve!